3 Ways to Reframe Failure [Never Feel Guilt, Shame, or Regret Again!]

You only lose when you fail to learn something. You only fail when you lose the ability to learn.

Learning is an endless process — mostly of undoing old beliefs, conditioning, and programming embedded within our psyche since youth. It’s also a conscious reversing of much of what we were taught and told in school. As Mark Twain said, ‘Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.’

In a spiritual sense, learning can be described as an expansion of mental faculties, a flowering of consciousness. It’s through pre-planned or preordained catalysts that we can most effectively learn major lessons life wants us to tackle — whether overcoming roadblocks at work, a non-beneficial outlook on adversity, dense familial patterns or curses, unhealthy tendencies in romantic relationships, or any other distortion in how we approach life with love and acceptance.

Failure in Relationships
The reason so many relationships “fail” is because we refuse to ride the wave of turbulence in expanded unison with another — most bail, blame, or believe their partner did them wrong. While it’s more beneficial to blame love than yourself or another, the truth is that the perception of failure is only due to a lack of presence in co-creative work alongside your mate. A commitment to one another made in love can’t be broken by moments of disagreement. That’s why an unwavering willingness to persist is required for love to truly exist. In the love frequency, failure is not an available feeling nor fear a possible state-of-being.

It’s only in moments of unconsciousness that the perception of failure can arise. With a heightened perspective, we realize we can never fail because it is we who’ve created all the aspects of our reality, including the challenges.


Instead of basking in your pain and regret, do THREE things when you notice that arising awareness of the FEELING of FAILURE….

#1 - Recognize that “failure” and “disappointment” are PERCEPTIONS — your objective perspective. Hidden within all of these experiences are deep opportunities for growth… find those and jump on them like a kid on a roller coaster.
#2 - Remove the label… you didn’t fail. You experienced, learned, expanded. Stay focused on the present, growing through unmet expectations. When we remain attached to the LABEL of FAILURE, a portion of our frequency body remains stuck in the past… and we’re in our ego! Here, we invite shame and guilt to take form.
#3 - Don’t allow yourself to PROJECT your ‘loss’ onto another… don’t allow your attitude, disposition or demeanor become altered in the NOW based on something you experienced in the PAST. Do not assume others will act (or FAIL YOU) like others have previously. L̳o̳o̳k̳ ̳a̳t̳ ̳e̳a̳c̳h̳ ̳i̳n̳t̳e̳r̳a̳c̳t̳i̳o̳n̳ ̳y̳o̳u̳ ̳h̳a̳v̳e̳ ̳a̳s̳ ̳a̳ ̳s̳t̳a̳n̳d̳a̳l̳o̳n̳e̳ ̳l̳o̳v̳e̳ ̳s̳t̳o̳r̳y̳.

“L̳o̳o̳k̳ ̳a̳t̳ ̳e̳a̳c̳h̳ ̳i̳n̳t̳e̳r̳a̳c̳t̳i̳o̳n̳ ̳y̳o̳u̳ ̳h̳a̳v̳e̳ ̳a̳s̳ ̳a̳ ̳s̳t̳a̳n̳d̳a̳l̳o̳n̳e̳ ̳l̳o̳v̳e̳ ̳s̳t̳o̳r̳y̳.

“Don’t project perceived failures from the past on others… look at each interaction as a standalone love story” #innerhealing #awakening #belove #shadowwork

Do not confuse the idea of “transmuting failures” with not feeling the let downs, the disappointments, the frustrations, the less-than-desirable outcomes.

Absolutely feel those, in all their glory. But don’t dwell in the pain for more than a day. Don’t stay stagnant in the darkness because it will suck you in if you remain there.

Failed by Your Intuition
How can we continue to trust our intuition even after we trusted the signs, synchronicities and symbols only to be painfully let down? In fact, the times we feel most betrayed by the universe are the times to double down on seeking the deeper lesson being presented by the experience. In these instances, it’s likely NOT that our intuition was wrong — it’s that our vantage point is TOO LIMITED or that we don’t yet have all of the INFORMATION needed to see how the perplexing scenario fits into the tapestry of our life. It could also be that we’re failing to avail the ACTUAL SOUL LESSON, analyzing too deeply the surface-level ‘thing.’ Instead of feeling let down or wronged by your higher self, try to see the larger picture and ask what the more subtle learning could be.


In my view and based on the stories of those I work with, there’s actually an INVERSE relationship between what we feel like we’re failing miserably at and what we’re here to teach. 

In other words: you do not have be 100% healed or a master at solving struggle in order to help others through the same thing!

In fact, those “in the trenches, doing the work” often make the best teachers because they’ve spent time gaining experiential knowledge in that space.

Awakening is about reversing your thinking about your relationship to life, to your purpose, and why you’re here.

If you don’t know where to start, start with your failures. 

The best way to understand our own darkness is often to become a way-shower for others as they parse through the same themes.


Failure is not bad, it’s an illusion altogether.

Points of perceived failure (loss, embarrassment, envy, jealously, regret, shame, guilt, etc.) are LEVER POINTS to higher levels of awakening. High performers recognize this and welcome the opportunity to fail, knowing that tremendous learning awaits them around the bend.

Going forward, whenever you feel like you’re coming up short, train your mind to flip into self-motivation mode. Do you allow your ego to make you feel like a loser or can you find a deeper awareness within?

The soul is eternal and can never die, can never lose, and can never fail. Your soul never gives up on growth, and that’s who you truly are.

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